Soap is not a condiment
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
