the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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