I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
