I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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