i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
