The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
