i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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