Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
