Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize