i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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