Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
