everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
