The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
