Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
