She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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