Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
