remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
