yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize
