i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
