I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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