I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
