Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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