She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Someone signed my nipple.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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