thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
