Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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