he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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