i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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