There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Mom said you looked used
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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