i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
