You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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