9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
