also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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