All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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