so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
