I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
