she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
