I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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