I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
