It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
