I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
