since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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