She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
