is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
