Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
