I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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