After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
