I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
