I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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