Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
