just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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