I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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