So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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