You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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