i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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