He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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