remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
