Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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