You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
