new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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