dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
