i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
