So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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