Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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