I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
