Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
