One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
